it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
