you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
