there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
