No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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