so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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