So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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