Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
