guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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