An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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