speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
