When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How naked do you want me to be?
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