Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
MIDGETS
????
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
