You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
