i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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