you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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