my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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