My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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