i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
