my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
