Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
