my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
