I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
