At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
