woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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