i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
