This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
