i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
