when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
