I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it because I queefed?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
