Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
