found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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