Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
