a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
