Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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