Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
