half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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