Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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