Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
