At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
