I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
