Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
