just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
