the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
