Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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