About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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