well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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