I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
