your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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