Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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