I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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