Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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