I love black thongs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
