I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
