glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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