We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
