Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
