why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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