last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
